Affinity Fraud and re invention

Reinvention: the complete makeover!
Most human being, at least those that are reasonably moral and courageous, will assimilate everything that they are, good as well as bad, and attempt to become a better person.. making mistakes and learning from them. More often than not this is a subconscious process guided and informed by our conscience..

With a P there is no conscience and reinvention is a like flicking a switch... devoid of emotion or substance with deceit as its motivation...

I my previous blog I described one particular P. This P went on to the next victim with a grand reinvention:-

Once the new victim was identified, the values that person held were simply and very methodically assimilated as values that were shared by the P... the P now became religious, a life of depravity and corporate marauding was replaced by good and wholesome living. The P is now a family man, with all visible vices being drop, so if P smoke he now didn't, if he drank excessively now he does not...

All these reinventions are dedicated to the victim’s existence in their life...The Victim naturally believes that the P has simply discovered what they already knew about them: That they are a good Person and needed only love to discover it... The veil is now firmly in place... unfortunately it is only a veil... Quietly unbeknown to the victim the depravity continues..Eduan Kapp Eduardo naude Mike Macgregor

Reality???

The Psychopath as Self-Proclaimed Maverick by psychopathyawareness

As we've seen, unless there's a specific advantage for him, a psychopath never admits to being wrong, to doing wrong, to having wronged anyone. Whatever he does wrong to others--cheating, lying, manipulation, hurting them emotionally and physically--he manages to project blame on the victims and on those around them. In fact, the psychopath will see his cowardly actions as superior; on a higher plane of existence than the rest of humanity. Rather than seeing himself as the pathological person that he is--essentially, a Loser who spends his life parasitically using and taking advantage of others--the psychopath is likely to see and describe himself as a maverick: a lone dissenter, a willfully independent hero, who rejects the dated and commonplace notions of right and wrong and of truth and falsehood.

Like the Nietzschean Superman, the psychopath considers himself beyond the norms of good and evil: except, of course, when it comes to double standards, since no psychopath would want others to use, manipulate and hurt him as he does them. The underlying narcissism that leads the psychopath to focus only on his desires, pleasures and needs also blinds him to his faults and protects him from self-blame. He reframes reality to fit with his narcissistic delusions. Sleaziness, violence and perversionare framed as "hedonism" or "libertine freedom"(hence my picture of Valmont, above, from the novel and movie, Dangerous Liaisons). Lies are framed as "creative interpretations of reality" or clever "modes of persuasion".Manipulativeness, slander and back-stabbing become, in his deranged mind, Machiavellianism or cunning.

Admitting fault, or taking responsibility for harmful actions would, after all, take a degree of empathy--of putting himself in others' shoes and seeing himself as they do--which the psychopath is not only incapable of, but also repudiates. For a psychopath, caring about others, putting oneself in their shoes, is only for followers, for the herd. In his own mind, he's a born leader: even when nobody follows him, or even if he only  leads others to their destruction. After all, from the psychopath's self-absorbed perspective,humanity exists only to serve his immediate needs.  Because of this absolute and fundamental narcissism, where everyone and everything in life revolves around him and his desires, a psychopath can't change and, most importantly, he doesn't want to change. He inhabits a fantasy world--which becomes more real than reality for him and those he manages to brainwash --whereby truth and falsehood hold only instrumental meaning and where morality is just an outdated fiction for the weak.

But even this doesn't fully capture the outlandishness of the psychopathic mindset.Psychopaths live in an Orwellian doublethink world. They believe the truth of the moment while actively seeking new opportunities. We might as well call it a “psychopath-think,” since such individuals have their own language. It is a language of narcissism; a delusional doublespeak. For example, to a psychopathic seducer, “I love you” means “You give me a rush at this moment.” “You love me” translates as “you forgo your needs to bend to my will.” “Trust me” means “What a sucker!” “You’re the woman of my life,” translates into “You’re one of a long, indefinite sequence of women that’s also simultaneous” (Psychopaths have their own version of math as well).

“Mutual fidelity” means “you need to be faithful to me while I cheat on you.” “Betrayal” means “You dared disapprove of something I did” or “You disobeyed me in some respect.” “Mutual commitment” translates into “You need to revolve everything in your life only around me while I do exactly what I want.” “Honesty” means “My truth,” or “Saying whatever gets me what I want at the moment.” “I miss you” means “I miss the function you played in my life because I’m a little bored right now.” “What my Baby wants, my Baby gets” means “I’ll give you attention, flattery and gifts only until I hook you emotionally and gain your trust. Afterwards, Mazeltov Baby! You’re on your own.” “I cheat because my wife/girlfriend doesn’t satisfy me” means “…and neither will you, in a few months, at most.” “We belong together” means “I own you completely while I remain free.” “If anything happens between us, it won’t be because of me” means “Nothing’s ever my fault. If I do something harmful, it’s because you (and others) weren’t good enough for me.” Unless you learn to decipher the psychopathic code, you’re likely to be “lost in translation.” If I put my mind to it, I could write a whole dictionary of “psychopath-speak” and its translation into regular human language.

Every so-called “truth” psychopaths utter is momentary and contingent upon their immediate gratification. Since their feelings are shallow, so is their truth-value. If you add “for now” to their declarations of love, they may sometimes ring plausible. For instance, during the euphoric seduction phase, psychopaths may believe when they tell a girlfriend that they love her and want to spend the rest of their life with her. But their passion isn’t grounded in any empathy, love or commitment.

Since the euphoric state of “being in love” comes and goes even during the course of a single day, so does the truth-value of their statement. One minute they might tell a girlfriend with genuine emotion that they love her and will always be faithful to her. The next hour they might be pursuing another woman, just for the heck of it, because they’re bored. While psychopaths scheme and manipulate a lot, they’re short-term, or tactical, schemers. They can’t see more than two steps ahead of their noses, to chase the next temporary pleasure. Tactics, or short-term maneuvers, prove to be far less effective than strategy, or long-term planning, however. Over the long-term, the lives of psychopaths usually unravel in a sequence of failed careers, sordid crimes and perverse, disastrous relationships. However they try to reframe reality, these self-proclaimed mavericks turn out to be nothing more than pathological Losers, driven by perverse desires, consumed by envy and filled with contempt for humanity. 

Claudia Moscovici, psychopathyawareness

If you have children with a psychopath by psychopathyawareness

You may experience the mixed blessing of having children with the psychopath. Bringing a child into this world can be one of the most rewarding and meaningful experiences in human life.  But having a child or children with a psychopath carries with it great risk. Since antisocial traits are partly genetic, your child or children can inherit those negative characteristics. Moreover, as we've seen, a psychopath is incapable of loving anyone. He regards all people, including his children, as tools to get what he wants and as his personal possessions. Like you, they represent objects he will manipulate and control. Like you, they confirm his virility and personal power.  As he got tired of you and of every other woman he played with, he will quickly tire of your child, his newest toy.

No change in circumstances can ever alter a psychopath's underlying bad character for long. He is what he is and that's what he'll remain. Think back to the many second chances  you’ve given him. Think back to all the times he shattered your hopes and abused your trust.  You hoped that he'd change his cheating ways after you got engaged, but he didn't. You then believed that he'd take your commitment more seriously once you married, but he didn't. He just hid his perversions better and mastered the game of deceit. You hoped that a change of job or location would improve him, but it didn't. Instead, your repeated concessions to his will and willingness to swallow increasing doses of mistreatment made him more confident that you'd take whatever abuse he dished out. He turned your life into a game that has no rational or moral rules.

You played along with his arbitrary power games. You played along because you love him and because you want to believe that he loves you as well: in his way, on some level, you feel compelled to qualify. Sure, he left you for other women and he will leave you again. But you interpret the fact that he returns to you time after time as evidence of his love. In other words, you engage in wishful thinking and reject the obvious reality. He doesn't leave you because he loves anyone else more than you. Conversely, he doesn't return to you because he realizes how much he loves you, after all. He comes and goes as he pleases to whoever lets him because he's bored.

Power over others fills his empty days. He's like one of those magicians that spin plates on poles. He wants to see how many women he can spin around at once and for how long he can cultivate for each one the illusion of perpetual motion, or of real love. Each time a plate falls to the ground and shatters, he enjoys it. Each life he destroys represents a personal triumph for him. With you and every other woman in his life he plays this sordid game. There's nothing inside of him that can love you or anybody else.

The same logic applies to having a child or children with him. If he cheated on you and wasn't there to support you meaningfully during the emotional and physical challenges of pregnancy, he’ll remain equally unreliable and unsupportive as you raise your child. If he treated you with disrespect and even contempt before you had a child together, that's how he’ll continue to treat you afterwards. If he shirked his professional and personal duties before, he won’t be able to handle the most important responsibility of all, which is raising a child. And if he abused you, he will abuse your child, at the very least emotionally. The Loser will remain a loserno matter whom he attaches to because his evil actions reflect his true identity. He deliberately hurts others not because they're not right for him, as he claims to shift the blame, but because he's not right for anybody else.

Consequently, if you have a child or children with a psychopath, it's doubly important for you to protect not just yourself from his noxious influence, but also your children. Dr. Liane Leedom wrote a very informative book on this subject, called Just Like His Father. Her message is not purely cautionary, but also one of hope. She emphasizes that there's no chance whatsoever of having a mutually loving and respectful relationship with a psychopath. But there's a lot of hope for raising your child to be a healthy and empathetic individual who is not just like his father.

Claudia Moscovici, psychopathyawareness

Help is at hand

There are clearly a few people that have "read between the lines"...and will inevitably get some solace from this site...

Please post your comments and visit the link sites that can offer additional insight

God bless

Well now really... no actually not at all

Psychopaths and Duplicity by Lisa Jean by psychopathyawareness A cool crisp autumn afternoon and I'm lounging around the house recovering from a severe cough that has left me too weak to do much else. Doing some channel surfing I come across a movie with Clive Owen and Julia Roberts called Duplicity. While watching it I am reminded of how duplicitous a psychopath is. How duplicitous anything a psychopath says is. As well as how duplicitous a relationship with a psychopath is. The dictionary definition of duplicity is: "1.contradictory doubleness of thought, speech, or action; especially: the belying of one's true intentions by deceptive words or action 2: the quality or state of being double or twofold 3: the technically incorrect use of two or more distinct items (as claims, charges, or defenses) in a single legal action"  The first definition is "contradictory doubleness of thought, speech or action." This would be the very definition of a psychopath. In the beginning of the relationship when they are in the idealization phase the person they present to you is nothing like the person they truly are. Additionally, the intent of their relationship with you has little if anything to do with what they are saying to you or showing you. If the psychopath is intending a romantic interlude with you, or even a romantic relationship with you their actions, words, speech and thinking is rampant with lies. They may present themselves as being smitten with you and wanting to be your everything. If you are a single parent, they'll be the man/woman who loves children and is happy to be there for you to help with watching the children, help with cooking meals, doing homework, or playing catch with the children. At night he/she may be ready to draw you a bubble bat, bri ng you a glass of wine, pamper and care for you. While in actuality they really couldn't care less about your fatigue, or stress, or feelings of being overwhelmed. In fact they are probably rejoicing in your suffering because it is making the door for them to enter into your life so incredibly easy to walk through. Any gesture, action, or words you hear them speak that appear caring or thoughtful is duplicitous. The only care or thought a psychopath feels centers around himself or herself. If your psychopathic partner has ever seemed thoughtful, or generous, take a good look at what may have motivated the seemed generosity. For generosity and the psychopath are a contradiction in terms. The psychopath is generous to himself alone. When I reflect back on some seemingly generous or selfless acts or words my psychopathic ex told me, or did for me I can always trace back a selfish motive. Even if the only motive was to keep me in his life for the next time he needed me for a victim. Had he completely burned our bridges and severed the relationship to a place that would be irreparable he wouldn't have a sure thing lined up in terms of future victim supply. Apparently, even the simplest of generosity or thoughtfulness is full of duplicity. The entire relationship is wrapped and woven very tightly in a mask of duplicity. The loving relationship I thought I was a part of, the connection I felt with this person and all the moments of intense emotion and passion we shared was duplicitous. I and I alone was experiencing them. What he was experiencing was a series of accomplishments, victories and defeats that were and remain completely about himself. There was never an "us", there never is an "us" with a psychopath. There's a me against you. There is "I will conquer and destroy you, I will win, I will come out on top, I will have control and power over you." I, I, I, I, I. This is the crux of the relationship with a psychopath. There is no "us" in "us". There is "I", victory and defeat for me and me alone in "us" for the psychopath. Once again, duplicity. The psychopath has been in the practice of living a duplicitous existence since their very first recollection of "self." As soon as the psychopath is aware of themselves in relationship to a world outside of themselves they are aware of the difference between themselves and others. In order to simulate being like others and fit in with "them" the psychopath has to appear like "them" i.e. us. Hence the beginning of duplicity. They watch, mimic, pretend, learn how to be like the rest of us. Much like the big back wolf learns how to be Grandma in Little Red Riding Hood. Appearing like Grandma is what will get him the meal he so desires. The Big Bad Wolf may be one of the first introductions we as children have of a psychopath. He is extremely duplicitous. He pretends to be Little Red Riding Hood's friend. He pretends to want to help her deliver her basket to Grandma's house. But his real intention isn't to help Little Red Riding Hood at all. His intention is to help himself to whatever it is he wants. Another red flag was the self-deprecation. I saw this as insecurity and vulnerability. In actuality this too was duplicitous. The focus on his flaws turned out to be more narcissism. It was another way to have his ego fed by the attention and empathy of others. When he would ask me if I found him attractive, he'd get to hear exactly what he'd been craving. "Of course you're handsome." He'd ask me what I liked best about him. What I would rate him on a scale of 1 - 10. He would ask these almost daily for nearly all the 7 1/2 yrs we were together. Duplicity in action. Feigning insecurity when his ego just needed a constant supply of feeding: narcissistic supply. He never did return the gesture to tell me I was beautiful of course. When allowing someone to enter into my life I intend to err on the side of caution. Not that I'm going to be paranoid and assume everyone is out to victimize me. However, I do intend to keep some distance until I know I can trust that person. This may mean a person who would have gotten a second chance from me in the past will not get it in the future. To some this policy may appear harsh. But upon further thought, it's not. I have never hurt another person intentionally. I've never done something so thoughtless that it was in complete and total disregard of another's feelings to the degree that it directly hurt them deeply. I've been thoughtless and careless, of course, I'm human. I've made attempts to change my behavior and been sincerely sorry when I've hurt someone. But, I never expect them to roll out the red carpet and welcome me back to do it again. I understand I need to prove my trustworthiness to others, before they can also trust me. I think if we entered our romantic relationships with this healthy assumption we would have been safer from duplicitous individuals. psychopathyawareness | November 21, 2011 at 10:00 am | Tags: Claudia Moscovici, Dangerous Liais

The Psychopath’s Hook: Love Bombing, Sex and Flattery by psychopathyawareness Nobody is lured by anyone through initial criticism and abuse.  If a psychopath undermined your self-confidence on the first date, you'd quickly dispatch him on his way. Relationships with psychopaths are about utility and power. The psychopath will use you for whatever purpose he wants--sex, money, a mask of normalcy--and keep you in your place by getting you to focus on your weaknesses and pouncing on your insecurities. However, no relationship with a psychopath starts that way. On the contrary, once they set their eyes on you as their main target (their "prize"), psychopaths typically engage in whirlwind romances. They can't get enough of you. They want to see you and make love to you all the time. They flatter you constantly. They tell you that no woman they've ever been with is as smart, as beautiful, as classy as you are.You are the one true love of their lives. Their only love. Victims tend to eat the flattery up, since after all, who doesn't like to be told such positive and beautiful things? They don't ask themselves a common sense question: Why is this guy flattering me so much? This is, indeed, the first question you should ask yourself if you're being "love bombed," as they say, by anyone. How many healthy individuals do that? And what makes you so special that out of all the people in the world you turn out to be the most beautiful, brilliant and exciting of all?  Could it be that this man has an ulterior motive? Could it be that he told each one of his main targets the same lines? And if so, why? To show you how absurd love bombing is and why you should display great caution when you encounter it, just consider the following analogous examples. We tell our children not to approach strangers who try to lure them with nice words and candy. Those individuals are probably social predators, pedophiles. But why do grown women accept such flattery without raising an eyebrow? Should the advice they offer their children also apply to them? To offer a second common example: in the seventies a lot of women hitchhiked. They didn't necessarily ask themselves why is this stranger being so nice and giving me a free ride? Most of the time they were safe; a lot of the time, they weren't. Some got picked up by social predators--rapists and even murderers--whose "niceness" was only a lure. There is a pattern emerging here. Most normal people don't love bomb. They do not engage in over-the-top flattery; they do not make promises of eternal love right off the bat; they don't call you the love of their lives without even knowing you. These are patterns of behavior that should be suspicious because they are very common lures for predators.Eduan Kapp Eduan Meyer, ... Arno Gerber, Lourens Kapp Psychopaths commonly engage in love bombing as their hook, to sink their claws into their victims. The flattery, declarations of love and romantic encounters bond and attract the victims to them. This process is not reciprocal. Since psychopaths attach to others without emotionally bonding to them, they only bond the target, not the predator. Such techniques pump up the victim's confidence and get her addicted to the supply: of flattery, of romantic words and gestures, or constant displays of "affection" and love making. But only one person--the victim--is actually  making love. The other one--the predator--is conquering her, getting her to depend upon his presence and approval, so that he can later tear her apart. That is a psychopath's main goal: to exercise control over their targets and ultimately harm them. The psychopathic bond is, as Sandra Brown aptly puts it, "a relationship of inevitable harm." When victims are still in the honeymoon phase of the psychopathic bond they rarely believe that the person who appears to woe and romance them so much, the one who claims to adore them, intends to use, control and ultimately destroy them. But as the relationship with a psychopath unfolds, this underlying goal becomes more obvious. He starts to get you to focus on your weaknesses. He starts to tell you the criticisms leveled against you by other people (supposedly) so that you focus on those issues. Initially the criticisms don't come from him (supposedly). They come from your colleague or your friends or his family members. Then, slowly, they start coming from him. Maybe you should exercise more. Or lose some weight. Or you don't wear the right kind of makeup. Or professionally you're not successful enough. Or you're no longer as sexually exciting to him. Bit by bit, criticism by criticism, the psychopath undermines your self-worth. This process may happen in a few months or may be painfully slow and gradual, a matter of years. Either way, it's highly effective. You are already used to his flattery and validation. What are you doing wrong that you're no longer getting them? Your sense of who you are and self-confidence begin to slip. You do what you can to regain his approval, or perhaps even his idolatry. His "love". The moral of this story? If someone is too positive and flattering and gives you too much attention in the beginning of a relationship, it generally means you’re in for a very bumpy road later on, filled with criticism and manipulation. When somebody starts love bombing you, don't ask yourself: How in the world did I get so lucky? Ask yourself: What does this guy want from me? In a psychopathic bond, the idealization phase of flattery and wild declarations of love is by far the most dangerous because that’s when a psychopath conditions you in a positive way to pin your self-worth on him. Once you do that, he gradually and steadily conditions you to accept his increasingly negative criticism, to chip away at your identity and self-esteem. This eventually happens in every relationship with a psychopath. You will no t be the exception that confirms the rule. Nobody proves to be a psychopath’s one true love, no matter how much he flattered them and said he loved them in the beginning. Claudia Moscovici, psychopathyawareness

scale of justice: Aftermath

scale of justice: Aftermath